January 2012
1 tag
December 2011
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“I remember in middle school when I would make fun of how fat I was, friends...”
– Blogliardi: An idiot’s retrospective of 2011
Possibly the best description of 2011 in the world.
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2011 already hurts and is confusing
that was an autofill post title you guys. When I was ready to write my requisite “Year In Review” post, that’s what came up.
So, hey 2012, let’s chat about a few things before you get here, OK?
2011 was kind of a slut, amirite?
First, let’s list some good things:
Hey I’m in new york!
Hey I live with an awesome chick!
212 by Azealia Banks!
I’ve made...
Recent Candid of Voosie
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OK
Voose: Wh...who is this?Who is this person? Why did they tag me in this picture?
Me: Is it like, a happy new year thing or something maybe
Voos: Um..no...
Me: No? Is it a...
Voos: It's Ants. It's a bunch of ants trying to pick up a cheerio.
Me: ...
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I think if you don't remember new years eve you...
So, that would make this 1998.
I’M SO YOUNG!
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Hey
So voosie just got an email from Barack Obama and the subject line was ‘hey’.
I find that hysterical, yet sad. Because I remember the day I had to unsubscribe from Joe Biden’s email list when it became an endless string of disappointments.
From: Joe Biden
To: Kiki Embryonic
Subject: What are you doing tonite?
And then I’d think we were on for dinner or something and...
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“Trolling,” when used on the internet, usually refers to when someone is a...”
– LOL
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NYE Garbage Bag
Link post bitches, you know why? Because I love you:
George Clooney seems like the most annoying fucking person on Earth.
We all know that Boobs McGee and Hairdo Jones are getting a divorce, right?
Ashley Greene is probably a stupid twat.
Blohan looks how I feel. I’d talk about how she’s in Dubai but no one cares.
Elle Macpherson looking…thin…in a terrible bathing...
“Most people don’t grow up. It’s too damn difficult. What happens is most people...”
– [Maya Angelou] (via solidair)
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IKB4R?
vusie-deuce:
I know but for real?
The upstairs neighbors bug us all the damn time with their hard walking around!
But they have a BABY, so they are entitled to come knock and ask us to tone it down on NYEE.
FTS.
OAO.
Babies. It’s like, are you more important than a fucking wicked version of King of Pain? No. The Police deserve as much attention as your stupid crying butts. What do...
Apparently!
vusie-deuce:
We’re not allowed to belt songs out on New Year’s Eve Eve in my building.
Our upstairs neighbor just knocked incessantly on our door, and I insisted we ignore it until he went away. Ignoring door knocks, in case you don’t know, entails diving into bed and tucking your head into the pillows. In the meantime, I did turn the volume down on the radio.
Adult life has its drawbacks.
...
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If your upstairs neighbor is upset by your singing...
Become alert to knocking sound at door
tiptoe towards door
look through peephole
whisper “IT TOTALLY IS TOTALLY HIM” to your friend/roomie and then duck underneath the peephole as though he can see you.
Scamper to her bedroom and laugh/hide under the blankets as though you were 9.
Wait.
Hear secondary knocking
Giggle uncontrollably for at least 3 minutes
Wait
Tiptoe to the...
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Also did you guys know the entire condo complex...
I’m Mrs Voosie as far as everyone is concerned.
It hadn’t occured to me until voos pointed out one day that maybe people thought that. And then everything became clear. And I don’t bother to correct anyone, because why would I? I don’t much care, and it’s easier this way. In fact, I think it’s kind of nice that they defaulted to that living arrangement (as...
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“I…I think I have cat butt on my fingers.”
– vusie
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Things
I wanted an email I didn’t actually get. I survived.
We had such a nice party. It was small, but I think that was best. I met some really great people and we actually got to have meaningful conversations with each other.
Smoked Gouda is so good.
New Years Eve Eve is a totally underrated holiday
We are listening to The Police and it is the awesomest.
We are back in our requisite...
I am experiencing the panic-riddled delirium of...
It’s awful. I need to have a drink to balance this shit out.
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NYE Parties I would pay no more than $50 to attend
Musical guests Mitt Romney and Talib Kweli Hosted by Animal from the muppet show.
Musical guests Eddie Rabbit and the re-animated corpse of Kim Jong Il hosted by Janice Dickinson
Endless Bloomin Onion fest
Benjamin Disraeli and his new black metal band Suez Canards
I now mentally pronounce Houston 'How-ston'
New Yorkification complete.
I will never, ever follow you or like you or speak...
Chiropractor | Avid Duck Hunter | Dog trainer | CrossFit Enthusiast
Enthusiast! A Crossfit enthusiast!
AVID duck hunter!
How is this a person?
I still need to mop
Did I mention the fancy party we’re supposed to be having?
Did I mention that I’m sitting here with my shirt hanging around my neck?
Did I mention how we have no snacks and no booze for the people?
Did I mention that hell has come to the Earth in the form of Friday, Dec 30th?
annamaison asked: Does my ask need to be in the form of a question? In any case - wishing you much happiness, peace, prosperity, naps, fulfillment and industry for 2012. Forgive my inability to spell fulfillment.
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thecallus:
Shameless Siri Rip-Off Hits Android Market
parislemon:
But it doesn’t contain a middle finger, so it’s fine.
We know that plenty of folks have mixed feelings about software patents. The first reaction in the ongoing mobile intellectual property wars is to recoil. It seems weirdly nit-picky when some massive lawsuit removes a whole phone - a whole phone! - from the market because...
1 tag
I NEED AN ADULT!
zombiecuddle replied to your post: Everything was in the bathtub.
Gwyneth Paltrow is so ashamed of you right now
I fell asleep with no pants/no shirt/1 boot/phone in my hand/half on/half off the bed.
Gwyneth haz a disappoint.
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Trigger warning: Bagels and gay people
Bagels are so great.
They really are so great.
And so are gay people.
We were ‘considering’ the trigger warning thing and how stupid it was last night. We were all really annoyed by it. Like, trigger warning for homophobia? Really? I mean, that’s just a thing that happens. That’s just truth. If you’re gay, you deal with that all damn day long. Just like if...
Everything was in the bathtub.
because that’s where things go! Obviously. Such a stupid girl. When you get home from a night out, you put all your shit in the bathtub to keep it safe!
Also, did I mention the fancy party we have to host tonite and how I don’t actually think I’m even sober right now?
OK Where is everything?
WHERE IS EVERYTHING!
I got in so my keys are somewhere. Seriously yo.
“I’ve fucked some tumblrs. Oh. I have fucked some tumblrs.”
– Trainjuice
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How to prep for a fancy cocktail party Vusie and...
Mostly clean things up 2 days prior
Procrastinate on the vacuuming
Tumbl
Go out the night directly before the party (all people in the house must do this, not just one member of the household.)
Hope for the best
That’s it! Good luck!
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It's almost New Years eve 2004
thecallus replied to your post: I mean, who ever shook a polaroid picture?
WHAT YEAR IS IT?!?!
What the hell is wrong with you. What year did you think it was?
Now excuse me while I go find my Hoobastank album.
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LOL
legallyblindobservations replied to your post: You people disappoint me.
“YOU PEOPLE”!?
You people disappoint me.
Shaking them causes the chemicals to run!
IT CAUSES THE CHEMICALS TO RUN!
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I'm not, but I could be for a price
enjoli replied to your post: I mean, who ever shook a polaroid picture?
Haaaaaaaaaaa we totally shook ours oops ALSO I keep meaning to text you about drinking but everything I do is impromptu. Any chance you’re in the city right now?
What are you guys doing? Text me. Stop being dumb.
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I mean, who ever shook a polaroid picture?
Who are these Outkast fellows? Outcasts? Children of wolves?
Because in my house the Polaroid lecture went something like this:
DO NOT SHAKE THAT POLAROID PICTURE!! Do you hear me? Put it on the table and wait for 5 minutes. And for god’s sake don’t touch it! We’ll end up with a big fingerprint in the middle of your granddad’s forehead. And this film, this film costs a...
3 tags
For Scott Friday: Top 10 Scott Friday's of 2011
Scott Friday
Scott Friday
Scott Friday
Scott Friday
Scott Friday
Scott Friday
Scott Friday
Scott Friday
Scott Friday
Scott Friday
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“I want to go back to the time when I didn’t know that Ryan Gosling takes his...”
– Lainey distilling my thoughts on Ryan Gosling overload 2011.
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“Big Bird is going to have advertisements, all right?”
– Mitt Romney discussing his plans to cut funding for public television (via mediahascookies)
Today’s Sesame Street is brought to you by the letters AT&T.
(via apsies)
Our children’s minds are for sale and this is why Mitt Romney is the fucking devil. I’m not even hyperbolizing. He...
2 tags
Guess who's doing squat jumps in the kitchen while...
two hints
Her name is Voosie
She’s in the kitchen waiting for steel cut oats to cook
I can see her head bobbing up and down over and under the counter from here. I didn’t know what the fuck was going on. Up and down. Up and down.
Oh…wait…she’s doing it again.