What can you do? Move out of the line of fire as much as possible.

The whole psychology behind one is that the person doesn’t generally realize they’re scapegoating you. They think everything is justified; They have the feelings, don’t they? And you’re here causing some kind of emotional disturbance aren’t you? So obviously the two are mutually inclusive. 

You are here, and I am feeling these emotions and so you are the reason I’m feeling these emotions.

I’m not without empathy, even while being the scapegoat because I know how easy it can be to project a whole host of unresolved issues onto someone else, usually the handiest person in the room and usually the one you’re closest to. God help you if the scapegoat actually happens to resemble or reflect the true roots of the problem, or if their behaviors call to mind bad experiences and emotions yet to be processed.

What makes this so much worse is that we usually actively seek those very people out! We seek out people with whom, or on whom, we can work out our sub or un conscious issues.

So, when someone says “gorsh, I’m always falling for the wrong guy” it really is you and not them, but not for the reasons you may think.

You are actively seeking out situations that can bring you full circle and grant the redemption from the unresolved emotions and situations you harbor and ignore.

And I guess this has no point. Other than it’s very smart to just find a way to have even a briefest moment of self reflection once a day. It’s a habit and it takes discipline like everything else. You have to practice noticing yourself thinking things and doing things. Asking yourself why you are thinking thoughts. Because thoughts aren’t you. Even that is hard to come to terms with. Eventually in the heat of the moment you’ll have habituated yourself to the point that instead of being strictly and involuntarily reactionary, you’ll notice what you’re doing, why and if it’s actually relevant to the present person or situation. And you’ll be able to switch gears!  You can choose your thoughts. You are not at their mercy.

That’s ideal of course and since we’re all human we’ll always make bad choices, or project things onto people who don’t deserve it. But with a little practice you can at least reduce the amount of that you do. And the thing is, it will make you happier. You’ll stop seeking out antagonistic situations. It all starts and stops in your noggin. Nowhere else.

And in the meantime, if you find you’re someone’s scapegoat, try to have as much empathy as possible because you likely did the exact same thing, un-bidden, un-noticed, un-consciously, last week or yesterday or possibly even in unison. You might be scapegoating the person who’s scapegoating you (I think they call that codependency but I just call that humanity.)

There’s nothing you can do about it anyway, except get the hell out of the way and work on your own bullshit. People will see what they want to see when they are good and ready and not a moment before and nothing you do or say will ever change that.