When I get stressed, but am not necessarily consciously aware of it, I begin to really enthusiastically, loudly and with purpose hum the opening song to the Olympics.
“DUH DUH
da-da dun dun dun
dun dun DUN DUN hm hm HM dadada DUH DUH”
The whole thing.
It is my indication to myself that I’m standing on the precipice of stress and I am about to throw myself off.
I’ve been out of sorts for the last few days. I’m not sure what’s got me all knotted up exactly, but it’s making me scatterbrained and weepy. It’s not that deep soul-crushing, black tar pit depression it’s more of a doleful woe, like my inner light has been smothered by a wet blanket. Nothing more required but another match to relight, really. The lamp isn’t broken, just out. Thing is I feel like I’m not capable of much else other than staring wistfully out the window recalling the warmth.
It’s not entirely miserable is the thing, it’s more like a mercurial ennui.
I’m melancholy. I’ve got Melancholic, even. Gripe water, anyone?
In the midst of all this I’ve discovered that if you put a kettle on for some tea and find yourself getting ratty because it’s been 10 minutes and the thing hasn’t made a peep, you should probably turn the stove on first. I hear heat helps with that boiling thing.
I just watched a rather nasty interchange between a couple of people and in doing so it really hit home just how miserable and self loathing mean, arrogant, aggressive people actually are.
Just…miserable. I knew on an intellectual level that the cruel ultimately deserved my sympathy rather than my disdain, but I actually felt it for the first time today. Just how impoverished their inner worlds are, and that the last thing they need is more darkness, or more cruelty as fitting a response as that may initially seem to be.
I don’t mean that to sound sanctimonious or holier than thou, though I think it’s starting to come off that way. I’m not talking about the days on which you feel cranky, pissy and miserable like the universe has it out for you. I mean a person who is consistently, systemically hyper aggressive, cruel and over-reactionary. Their hearts and minds are just impoverished, scary, mean places.
It’s sad.
Big plans. Including cleaning out the closet so I don’t trip over the shoes that have no where to go, the small bbq and the two laundry baskets full of both clean and dirty clothing.
You know what they say though, today, best laid plans and all. It’s true, that I have all the laundry and sundry items strewn about on the floor of the living room now, awaiting my return. Awaiting their rescue from chaos.
I was even going to job hunt.
Alas it shall not be as you, today, have quickly devolved into video games, netflix and fudgesicles.
It’s all so mysterious, life.
I’m buying my groceries, not much but too much to fit in my nice ‘green’ bag…so I’m bumbling around and being the general idiot that I am in the supermarket and then while standing in line i realize that the lady in front of me has tea lights. I needed tea lights. I NEEDED them. I forgot and now my groceries are all unpacked and…just no. I eye her package of tea lights with visual wrongness.
I play the scenes in my head where i used them when i went home: the billie Holliday, the wine, the tea lights, the me, the sitting around, the being fabulous. I’m pissed.
So I go get my smokes at the different counter. Fine, I’m down…what do i see…A single Our Lady Of Guadalupe candle standing there. All by herself. Abandoned. By the lotto tickets. I wanted a candle dammit and I got it and Our Lady Of Guadalupe is showing me the way.
So I grab it and smack it down proudly on the counter. The loverly customer service lady recognizes me, raises one eyebrow and says “so…she’s just what you were waiting for? You really want this?”
“YOU BETCHA!”
I bought my smokes, I took our Lady of Guadalupe home…I lit her and poured a glass of wine. She is lovely, burns much brighter, much longer than those stupit tea lights I was on line to buy.
You have to keep an eye on wishes is all…they often appear in bizzare forms, and you really should be ready to greet them with open smiles, open minds and open arms.
UM bookstore, first day of classes is no fun.
Oh and hey, mom, no I don’t know if those are the right books for his class. Also, no I don’t know where stats 125 is or when the bus comes. Also, yeah it’s tough about the tuition, but you might not want to bitch at ME for the price you just paid for the $180 textbook that is set by the DAMN PUBLISHER, that we make about 5 bucks on while getting into your convertible Lexus.
I’m not sure if any of you noticed, but I’m just the flunky cashier who gets paid minimum wage for a temp job, and is attempting to help all 20,000 of you people most of whom happen to be waiting IN THAT REALLY LONG LINE BEHIND YOU while you stand here asking me stupid questions and talking on your iphone. So if you could maybe navigate your own existence for once and move the fuck ON that would be just super because this gritted teeth smile is about 5 seconds from sliding off.
Thankseversomuch.
Sazerac posted the all-caps warning from the National Weather Service as Katrina came ashore; it’s chilling, at least for me:
MOST OF THE AREA WILL BE UNINHABITABLE FOR WEEKS…PERHAPS LONGER. AT LEAST ONE HALF OF WELL CONSTRUCTED HOMES WILL HAVE ROOF AND WALL FAILURE. ALL GABLED ROOFS WILL FAIL…LEAVING THOSE HOMES SEVERELY DAMAGED OR DESTROYED…
HIGH RISE OFFICE AND APARTMENT BUILDINGS WILL SWAY DANGEROUSLY…A FEW TO THE POINT OF TOTAL COLLAPSE. ALL WINDOWS WILL BLOW OUT.
AIRBORNE DEBRIS WILL BE WIDESPREAD…AND MAY INCLUDE HEAVY ITEMS SUCH AS HOUSEHOLD APPLIANCES AND EVEN LIGHT VEHICLES. SPORT UTILITY VEHICLES AND LIGHT TRUCKS WILL BE MOVED. THE BLOWN DEBRIS WILL CREATE ADDITIONAL DESTRUCTION. PERSONS…PETS…AND LIVESTOCK EXPOSED TO THE WINDS WILL FACE CERTAIN DEATH IF STRUCK.
POWER OUTAGES WILL LAST FOR WEEKS…AS MOST POWER POLES WILL BE DOWN AND TRANSFORMERS DESTROYED. WATER SHORTAGES WILL MAKE HUMAN SUFFERING INCREDIBLE BY MODERN STANDARDS.
THE VAST MAJORITY OF NATIVE TREES WILL BE SNAPPED OR UPROOTED. ONLY THE HEARTIEST WILL REMAIN STANDING…BUT BE TOTALLY DEFOLIATED. FEW CROPS WILL REMAIN. LIVESTOCK LEFT EXPOSED TO THE WINDS WILL BE KILLED.There’s more here. Happy anniversary.
What fucking “struggles” does this generation have? Their mom’s taking their cell phones so they can’t text nudes of themselves to the BFs? via breefieldI see a generation that has been coddled by their parents. Told they dont have to try hard cause they’ll still get a “participation trophy” at little league. They expect everything handed to them. They graduate from college with degrees that are almost stolen, since they can have their papers written for them online, or even have their parents write them in some cases.
When they graduate they realize they cant get a job, have no social skills due to extended periods of time lived online, and no concept of morality when n00dz are a right of passage and suicidal kids can be coaxed into killing themselves on myspace. This extended adolescence must come to roost eventually. When these kids wake up, im sure theyre gonna be really mad.
or maybe theyre just gonna turn into jakob lodwick.
While I don’t disagree with your observations - this is the way it always is. New generation has more luxuries than the previous, doesn’t appreciate the value of X (electricity, a hard day’s work, a college degree, DSL internet speed, KFC Double Down sandwich). When the tweens of today are in their 30’s, they’ll have a list just like yours for the kids half their age. You kids have it easy. I remember when cars didn’t fly! We didn’t have automatic space age toilets. We had to wipe our own asses. I mean there was shit everywhere! Ok that was just stupid. Sorry.
Exactly, and it’s not stupid. I swear. This kind of ‘oh they don’t know how good they have it’ shit is just shortsighted and patronizing. Each era has its hardships.
I think there is a lot to be said about ‘the kids today’. They’re bright, technoloigcally capable, and they have a fantastically holistic view of how their lives impact others. I don’t think it’s all about consumption or decadance. I don’t think it’s about feeling deserved.
There are huge challenges this round of humans face that I didn’t face and vice versa. I don’t think that acknowledging and appreciating that difference detracts from my hardships or lends more creedence to theirs. No one wants to hear what you have to say if it’s couched in preachy, sanctimonious, “godzilla follwed me to school up 18 hundred miles of snow capped mountains” assholery. I can only benefit by being respectful.
What I see here is progress, and that progress looks and feels different than my progress looked and felt, and that’s to be expected and sympathized with, not chided. Not to mention that I (we) have the benefit of hindsight.
Every era has their assholes, and this era is no exception, but to denounce an entire group of people as a bunch of entitled jerks is not only ignorant but unreasonable. Get over it. Life is moving on. It’s as it should be and it will be fine.
for a job I don’t have a snowballs chance in hell of getting. In forensic latent prints. They are willing to consider training the right person, however, so hootie-hootie and huzzah.
I am a big fan, you see, of throwing as much poop against a wall as possible, knowing that at least some of it is going to stick.
After this I’ll apply for astronaut, sheep-herder and clown.
